1. |
The party starts
01:59
|
|||
The party starts
I know I used to sing about heavy shit
And all the failures I did
But today it's gonna change
It's gonna change
Yeah, FUCK IT UP
Bring the alcohol, bring all the smoke
Drink until you have a stroke
There will be people having sex
In the bed, the floor and the toilets
I want it to spread everywhere
Tired of holding back, smoke your cigarettes
Let's make the ultimate mistake
Two lovers why not three ?
Why not five and why not fifty ?
Make it a day your younger self
Would have fucking hated
The girls will blow boys
To have some free drinks
Let's scream, vomit, pass out
Until we all fucking die
And when you wake up
Just continue to mess it up
This is my missing part
This is for all the broken hearts
now FUCK IT
the party starts
|
||||
2. |
9PM, on the beach
05:18
|
|||
We were drinking the days away
Smoking weed on the sand
And the rocks in front of the horizon
Reflecing infinite numbers of passions
Messy guitar chords everywhere
Trying to fit with the beat of the waves
All crashing on the shore with a lovely sound
As there were footprints on the ground
We were arguing a lot with that girl
I couldn't tell if she hated us
But she brought weed for my brother
And he surely did not like her
We are just teen fucks
We are just teen wrecks
Trying to find a way through the mess of our lives
Tomorrow we'll sort this shit out
We are just teen fucks
We are just teen wrecks
Trying to find a way through the mess of our lives
Tomorrow we'll sort this shit out
Heard this girl talk about getting banged
In the back of a van
Telling us it had been great
While I couldn't tell how she'd look like
Naked
Naked
And I remember when we were young
Chasing eachother in the sun
When love and holding hands
Were pretty much the same
It was great
And I remember when we were young
Chasing eachother in the sun
When love and holding hands
Were pretty much the same
And I kind of miss the days
When you'd try to say
I love you to this prick
You'd end up hating
He put his hand on your hand
And in your sacred underwear
You told it to me with tears in your eyes
Trauma coming back so fast
I hope you're well
We are just teen fucks
We are just teen wrecks
Trying to find a way through the mess of our lives
Tomorrow we'll sort this shit out
We are just teen fucks
We are just teen wrecks
Trying to find a way through the mess of our lives
Tomorrow we'll sort this shit out
|
||||
3. |
A heart and two souls
07:52
|
|||
Two bodies connected by a thread
The outside world feels like a threat
My thoughts are caressing your face
You fill my loneliness
Though there are wasps in my lungs
I'd still taste your rose scent
All the lyrics I sung
Somewhere were there to comfort you
Karen I know it doesn't work like that
I want to be the name on your leg
But you won't let me in
And my heart said
"Do you knoooow ? your numbness is gonna defeat you !
Do you knoooow ? No you don't know shit"
"Do you knoooow ? your numbness is gonna defeat you !
Do you knoooow ? No you don't know shit"
Give me a cigarette
Though I don't smoke
I'm just giving my body
What my body deserves
Give me time
I'm so impatient
I'm just trying to calm down
But you get on my nerves
But what if I don't match your perfectness
I hope someday you will change
What if I told you nothing face to face ?
What if I died before I - ... before I... Shit
The world does not fit well with this fantasy
Maybe I'm daydreaming this whole thing
Did you feel my tears, on your shoulder ?
When I laid my head like a broken lover
The spine of the dragonfly
Breaks apart and bends
The leaves never fell to the ground
I hope it never ends
aaaah...
And the days
And the days
And the days
Go on
And your face
And your face
And your face's
Bossom
Let me rest
On your dreams
The softest
Matress
I know it's
A messy
fantasy
I'm just
Trying to
Hold on
To something
Worth it
Let me hold your hand
I don't care what they say
I won't cry in the end
Fuck it I wanna kiss, hug, fuck and
daaaaaaaaaaaaaance..
[solo]
"Do you knoooow ? your numbness is gonna defeat you !
Do you knoooow ? No you don't know shit"
"Do you knoooow ? your numbness is gonna defeat you !
Do you knoooow ? No you don't know shit"
YOU HATE YOURSELF
YOU HATE YOURSELF
SO HOW COULD YOU LOVE
SOMEBODY ELSE ?
YOU HATE YOURSELF
YOU HATE YOURSELF
SO HOW COULD YOU LOVE
SOMEBODY ELSE ?
YOU HATE YOURSELF
YOU HATE YOURSELF
SO HOW COULD YOU LOVE
SOMEBODY ELSE ?
YOU HATE YOURSELF
YOU HATE YOURSELF
SO HOW COULD YOU LOVE
SOMEBODY ELSE ?
|
||||
4. |
Stargazing
03:53
|
|||
Sometimes I get lost in houses that everyone knows
I get confused as to why this skirt pleases you
I hope I wont offend
The last thing I would want would be to lose a friend
Oooo
Oooo (should I keep)
Oooo (should I keep)
Oooo (Lying to myself ?)
Oooo
Oooo
Oooo (should I keep)
Oooo (Lying to myself ?)
Please tell me you're fine
Ripped jeans and maroon shirt
Don't know if these tastes are mine
Sometimes I just wanna wear a skirt
It's easy to get lost inside your mind
I'm screaming inside all the tiiiiiiiime
Oooo
Oooo
Oooo ("Still like you")
Oooo ('but as a friend")
I lose myself in the questions
It's the only thing that stays the saaaaaaaaaame
Oooo (I'm sorry)
Oooo (I don't want)
To lie
I'm sorry I don't want to lie to myself
again.
|
||||
5. |
Enjoy it
03:47
|
|||
Are you smiling ?
At least from the inside ?
Do you feel the lightning
In your heart ?
There's vomit on my shirt
But it isn't mine
Enjoy yourself, enjoy it
And stop to whiiiiine
YOU'RE HAVING FUN
You just DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT
YOU'RE FEELING LOST
You just DON'T WANT TO FEEL IT
So stop to whine
You're ruining the night
Drink the liquor
Drink the wine
Enjoy those flashing lights
I keep getting out
But I always come back
Holding my breath
To release it outside
It's how adults are having fun
It's how adults release stress
It's how adults deal with it
Suicide, depression and emptiness
kill me.
It's my SPIIIIDEEERLAAAAND
MY SPIDERLAND
my spiderland...
So KILL ME
It's HOW IT ALL ENDS
You're having fun
You just don't want to admit it
You're feeling lost
You just don't want to feel it
YOU'RE HAVING FUN
You just DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT
YOU'RE FEELING LOST
You just DON'T WANT TO FEEL IT
So stop to whine
You're ruining the night
Drink the liquor
Drink the wine
Enjoy those flashing lights
So stop to whine
You're ruining the night
Drink the liquor
Drink the wine
Enjoy those flashing lights
(Fuck... Why the fuck is it so noisy ??? Fuck... Let me do what I want... Fuck...)
|
||||
6. |
Just be quiet
04:30
|
|||
Turn off the lights
And don't look at me
There's noise outside
We can come to see
Sleep on the bed
I'll sleep on the floor
And kiss your forehead
As I stare at the door
Just ignore the tears
And my weeping
How did I become
So unhappy ?
And just be quiet
You can ignore me
If it comforts you,
It comforts me...
You'll forget me
Like they all do
I'm not upset though
I'll do it for you
I try to erase
All the thoughts
Before all hell
Crashes on us
Just ignore the tears
And my weeping
How did I become
So unhappy ?
And just be quiet
You can ignore me
If it comforts you,
It comforts me...
And if I could be
Seven again
I would do everything
In the same way
The hardest part
Of it all is that
You'll never be able
To recall...
Just ignore the tears
And my weeping
How did I become
So unhappy ?
And just be quiet
You can ignore me
If it comforts you,
It comforts me...
Just ignore the tears
And my weeping
How did I become
So unhappy ?
And just be quiet
You can ignore me
If it comforts you,
It comforts me...
|
||||
7. |
||||
Last night
You went to my house
Falling down
In your eyes
It could work out
But I'm paralysed
It could work out
But I'm paralysed
And I'm too numb
Everytime you look at me
Everytime you talk to me
I can't move I can't speak
Just keep smiling...
I don't want to miss you
I've already lost too much
You do my remembering for me
You make me feel lost
Decaying in the moss
I won't get over you
If you're over me
And I'm too numb
Everytime you look at me
Everytime you talk to me
I can't move I can't speak
And I'm too numb
Everytime you look at me
Everytime you talk to me
I can't move I can't speak
|
||||
8. |
Midnight (you left)
04:56
|
|||
Again I can't sleep at midnight
Because there's too much noise outside
But I know we are gonna join in
And get wasted for the sake of it
Because I want to impress you
Ooooo
Because I want to see you
Ooooo
I'm not writing your name here
But you know I'm talking to you
Just know I don't wanna die now
Though my life is a lie
Because I need to be with you
Ooooo
Because it comforts me
Ooooo
There will be girls that turn you on
While some boys may turn me
But it doesn't work, my heart
Can not be split in two parts
Because I'm in love with you
Ooooo
But you don't love me
Ooooo
It's been 2 years and I've been hiding it
All the meds the breakdowns are secret
But I confessed it all in one night
And I cried alone at midnight
Because I fuckin' hate myself
Ooooo
Because that shit's hard to unvail
Ooooo
Do you care for my daily walks
Do you hate our sweet daily talks
Sometimes I wanna die
But you bring me back, bring me back
Because I'm addicted to you
Ooooo
I'm fucking wasted
Ooooo
It's like every stenza is a new drink
I just want to wrap myself in
Your soft scent, your soft lips
Hold your soft heart, and your soft hips- AaaaAaah....
Because I love you
Ooooo
Because I need you
Ooooo
Please don't censor this one
This one song
If it becomes my swan song
Please don't runaway
Don't runaway
Love is a stupid game to play
And the party never should have started
Please don't runaway
Don't runaway
Please don't runaway
|
||||
9. |
Seventeen
03:55
|
|||
Swing your hips 'till they tell you to stop
But the party never ends, you'll never wake up
Don't tell me this is a dance
You're just making love in advance
Yeah, you're on molly, your breath stinks
But you're not better, your heart shrinks
Are you tired of waiting cause I am
So many things are happening
But nothing inside
So when people are not looking
I hide in a corner
I take a deep breath
And a little bit of lex
Some caffeine to stay awake
More than I can take
But I need to be fake
I need to be fake
Yeah I'm only 17
But they are all teens too
Trying not be kids
That's a very childish thing to do
People need become someone else
It's why they drink too much
Anxiety is killing us
We are losing touch
The feelings come, the feelings go
We try to avoid it, we try to fill the void that's in our heart
So when people are not looking
I hide in a corner
I take a deep breath
And a little bit of lex
Some caffeine to stay awake
More than I can take
But I need to be fake
I need to be fake
Can't wait to grow up
I hope I won't regret it
|
||||
10. |
||||
Tonight I'm gonna try to look at the sky
To see if there are any stars
But the city lights are like your eyes
They look like stars but there's nothing inside
This song is an ode to my loneliness
To the guys who played with my heart
They say you shouldn't have remorse
They say you shouldn't have regrets
Cuz you're gonna bury them with your corpse
Tell that to your 40 year old self
Let me drink like the waste of sperm I am
Let me cry over photographs
Let me hurt myself everynight
So I can look at you with a fake smile
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
[Awkward drunk solo]
I have no idea what I'm doing
It feels like my life is drifting
I'm gonna turn 18 soon
I'm gonna be an adult soon
Still have no idea how to buy a house
Still have no idea how to get a job
Still have no idea how to have sex
Still have no idea why I should have sex
Still have no idea where my soulmate is, they promised me
Still have no idea where the clitoris is
Still have no idea what my meds are
Still have no idea how to turn on the radar
And I still don't know if I'm a man or a woman
I still don't know why I hate my penis
I still don't know why I hate drinking
And I still don't know why I hate risking
I still don't know what the hell you're saying
I still don't know why I'm not listening
I still don't know why emergency rooms are so cold
I only know what I've been told
I only live through my remorse
My parents are getting a divorce
Why can't I look you in the eye
Yeah, just fucking, just fucking stop
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
And again let's change the pace
I grew a disgust to this kind of nights
Throwing up guts while saying I'm alright
This ain't my thing. So why the hell am I here ? There's a guy standing next to me, asking me if I want any drugs. I say "no" cuz I hate it, but he still gave me his number and some ecstasy. I told him "I don't even know how to consume it." He replied "Just eat it you're fucking stupid" So he gave me a hug, and he took back his drug and I was like
Yeah
Yeah what the fuck ?
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
In the love I give
The red turns to pink
And I cry in the sink
Your eyes are my kink
It hurts when I think
Cuz my pain's in my ink
What if the beat, what if the pace changes completely
I don't know where the keys of my house are
I lost them inside the car
My phone has no battery left
But the thought came to my head
Why the hell do I fake it ?
If it makes me so sad.
The plane goes away in the distance
Makin' it harder for me
To communicate
Anything else than pure hate
Try to catch him by the wings
And rip them apart
It's a bird without wings
And without feelings
Tell me please : Do you feel it ?
That void in your chest
You lost yourself in quarters of lex
It's not just a heartache
I'm so drunk
I don't even know where you are
When people are a GPS
But do you really think I can live like this ?
Is it really how it's gonna be ?
But do you really think I can live like this ?
Is it really how it's gonna end ?
The plane goes away in the distance
Makin' it harder for me
To communicate
Anything else than pure hate
Try to catch him by the wings
And rip them apart
It's a bird without wings
And without feelings
NEVER LOSE THE FLIIIIIIIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIIIIIIIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIGHT
[solo]
NEVER LOSE THE FLIIIIIIIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIIIIIIIGHT
NEVER LOSE THE FLIGHT
(AGAIIIIIIIN)
NEVER LOSE THE FLIGHT
|
||||
11. |
3AM, in a closed bar
09:27
|
|||
The "closed" signs turn, lights shut off
A few footsteps and a streetlight in an open camp
Stars shine, you left, you may be sleeping
In a soft bed where I wish we could have slept
I wish we could have sit on the beach
And watch the veil of clouds fall on the sea
And tears fall smiles stay, apologies are heard
But the worst sound ever is the lack of words
Sometimes I hurt myself to not feel the sadness
Sometimes I don't wash the blood to feel the shame
I wish I could have been more and less
I'd be better if you could have felt the same
And people walk, they laugh, they cry
And the lights shut off for the sky to shine
Sometimes I feel like the loneliness
Is necessary for me to write something honest
And there's broken glass in my heart
But it has kept on beating ever since the start
Sometimes I wish it could have stopped
When it started to hurt my skin
The needles dig a hole inside
Opening everything so wide
And I'm still bargaining
Let's go back to the beggining
And there's broken glass in my heart
But it has kept on beating ever since the start
Sometimes I wish it could have stopped
When it started to hurt my skin
The needles dig a hole inside
Opening everything so wide
And I'm still bargaining
Let's go back to the beggining
When I close my eyes you come back to haunt me
You're in the coloris, the corner of every street
If you wanted me to go slow and easy
I would have done it in a heartbeat
My heart is torn and in shreds
I'm squeezing the rope 'til my hands turn red
I don't want to die in a world where I missed
An opportunity to blow and steal you a little kiss
Something soft and sweet and pointless
I don't knwo why I care so much
But tomorrow I'll wake up again
Faking that everything is fine and well
I'll talk to you, laugh with you
And make small hints of love only you could tell
And again your face will turn to a beautiful red
And I'll smile though inside there's a fucking hurricane
And if one day you echo with the love that's in my chest
Just know I needed this all my life and
With you I'd spend the rest
The rest
Oh I love you...
And there's broken glass in my heart
But it has kept on beating ever since the start
Sometimes I wish it could have stopped
When it started to hurt my skin
The needles dig a hole inside
Opening everything so wide
And I'm still bargaining
Let's go back to the beggining
And there's broken glass in my heart
But it has kept on beating ever since the start
Sometimes I wish it could have stopped
When it started to hurt my skin
The needles dig a hole inside
Opening everything so wide
And I'm still bargaining
Let's go back to the beggining
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
I don't know why I keep falling in love if it hurts so much.
(So this is it. This is how it all ends. Ok. So I'm sending you this voicemail Karen because... I've been trying to contact you the whole night. I've just realized that you've left the party and that I was alone so I left too and I hope you... I hope you didn't sleep alone. I just want you to be happy, that's it. I've been trying to call you because I-... there's a weird feeling in my heart and in my stomach. I'm feeling very weak right now... And you know... I just ... ... Yeah I love you... You know I didn't have fun, nobody had fun, you didn't have fun, nobody at fun at this shitty party. We all go here because we need to drink, we all go here because we need to take drugs, and after all we're all just so unhappy. It made me realize why I'm so unhappy. So, I hope you're not mad at me, I hope you still think about and you still care for me. Because I still care for you. I don't know if I'm ever gonna wake up again, but yeah, I love you and the party never should have started in the first place...)
[Painful coughs of someone that's about to die]
|
||||
12. |
||||
I guess it's this one, the one pill you shouldn't take
This is it, my swan song but in a pathetic way
I don't know what happened, maybe it's my emotions
Or I've taken too much of my prescriptions
It started with just that : prescriptions
It escalated quickly now it's an addiction
There's a nurse in the ambulance right now
I heard her say, there's a few minutes left before I die
It shakes they are going so fucking fast
I don't wanna die it's quite ironic
I tried to kill myself so many times now I just want to live
And yeah there's an intense pain in my heart
It's been aching and aching so hard
I'm trying to grieve to mourn my own death
To accept, my regrets, the percocets I take
They took my breath. I'm so fucking cold
And burning at the same time
Why ? Why does it have to happen right now ?
I never told Karen that I loved her
I didn't say enough that I loved my brothers
I didn't play in any concert, any song to
My grandmother, my father
And the ambulance stops, they take me in a hurry
Am I worth the investment ? They are so many...
Nurses, surgeons I have no idea what they are doing
They are running around, spinning, spinning
They are pulling tubes in, injecting morphine
They sting, bringing more medicine.
I'm trying to scream but I can't make a sound
I'm pushing so hard on my throat but nothing comes out
I'm trying to leave this quiet mind
But nothing won't let me come back
And I'm slowly running out of time
I didn't want this to happen right now
About to flatline
My mother and my father are not here
I know they are divorcing but I'm dying
Mathew, my brother, why are you here ?
I don't want you to see me dead
You won't be able to save me.
Please don't get upset
Just let me go and have no remorse, no regret
Please. Please it hurts me to see you cry even harder
Every second the echo of your weeping gets louder
Karen, Charles, Why did you come over ?
Go home now the party is over
Just try to move on, tell her I love her
Her smile is the only thing that matters
Mathew stop banging on the wall, screaming
Stop shouting they won't let you in
I see some flashes of a life I never liked
Reminding me how fucking cold I was inside
All the times I attempted suicide
All the times I disappointed Aline
All the times I didn't call you Aline.
And Alice I'm walking towards you
I can see you on the other side of the room
The thought of a life without people like you
I've never been able to move on to something new
I'm stuck and I had to walk down the hall
With your pictures hung all over the walls
With your name fading away from the speeches
A memory sucking on my blood like leeches
Craving a time where it didn't have to be this difficult
Where I had not the feeling it was my fault
I'm sorry Alice, I lost myself
I wish we could have talked more
I'm trying to keep your memory alive
I can't no more
There's a voice in my head yelling I fucked up
I'm trying so hard to wake up
My limbs are numb, I'm hovering over my body
I'm trying to fly back inside but they won't let me
Fuck it. My parents aren't here yet
They are gonna regret and blame it on themselves
They are gonna forget, this trainwreck
The pictures of my face, my room will be replaced
My legacy will be erased
So they can grieve my death
I've died I guess on an hospital bed
With my last gasping breath
I'm sorry surgeons, and I'm sorry nurses
Sorry to everyone who cared
Sorry if I wasn't there, Sorry Charles
I know you thought it was getting better
But Karma's swinging at me for my failures
Sorry mom, sorry dad
Those texts I shouldn't have looked at
Sorry my teachers, my friends
Who believed every word I said
Where I told them I was fine
While in the hospital dying
And I'm sorry for everyone I lied to
I'm sorry if it was you
Please do what I told you to do
I'm sorry mathew
Go to Florence and taste it
Make it a trip you'll never forget.
And sorry brothers
If I wasn't always there with you
If I prefered singing in the streets
Rather than being with you
Cuz I would think too much on making my dreams come true
I forgot taking care of my family was important too
And when I saw you crying after the divorce
I realized I should have seen you and been with you there along
And sorry for all the mistakes, for all the misteps
The laziness, sorry for everything, it's too late
But somewhere I know you can hear it
Sorry Karen, sorry everyone
I see surgeons throwing shit on the ground
Screaming at eachother, running all around
Nurses run in the room, so many people come in
They press on my chest, lean over the bed
Try to fill the leaks of blood and the lack of air
Things are getting blurry
I'm slowly distancing myself from this dream
And I hear nothing
Except an infinite echo of my brother's scream
Getting louder every second
As I fly in the tunnel
My mind is not in the hospital anymore
And then I feel a shock, just when I was feeling peace
Every turns to black, I can't even think
This is it. I'm dead
But shocks keep coming
A second, a third, a fourth, I'm shaking
I wish the pain I'm feeling could be the end of my death
I wish the pain in my chest could be a brand new breath
I wish my brother had calmed down
I just know the trauma is there no matter what
I hear a small thump, don't know where it started
I guess it's the echo of my heart
I'm yelling inside
Is it the end
Please god
Please GOD GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE
Please...
Please...
When I woke up noone was in the room
I died on the first of july and woke up on the fourth
It's 8AM, I guess it's time
I pull the tubes out as the alarms out of tune
I open the door, mathew and Karen are sleeping
I lay a kiss on her forehead she doesn't wake up
Tears are running on my face
You know it right that the party never should have started in the first place
The party never should have started in the first place
|
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