← more from
Talitres
We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Death of an Illusion

from Stared at from a Distance by Feldup

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      €1 EUR  or more

     

  • Buy the Full Digital Album

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Feldup - "Stared at from a Distance"
    Black Vinyl, 1LP (w/ Download code), printed Inner Sleeve

    Includes unlimited streaming of Stared at from a Distance via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 1 day
    Purchasable with gift card

      €22 EUR or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Feldup - "Stared at from a Distance" (CD digisleeve). With Booklet.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Stared at from a Distance via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 1 day
    Purchasable with gift card

      €13 EUR or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Feldup - "Stared at from a Distance" (Cassette, ltd ed)
    100 units only.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Stared at from a Distance via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 1 day
    edition of 100  14 remaining
    Purchasable with gift card

      €10 EUR or more 

     

  • Feldup - "Stared at from a Distance" (White Vinyl, Ltd Edition)
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Feldup - "Stared at from a Distance"
    White Vinyl, limited edition (w/ digital download), printed inner sleeve.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Stared at from a Distance via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

lyrics

You left the apartment one day crying
Asking if we were gonna let you back in
We said yes but never actually did
’cause I felt a sense of dread
Every time I saw a text
Every time a memory replayed
Every time I saw your face
’cause you admitted one day
That you wanted me to feel the same
You wanted me to feel pain
’cause you weren’t my girlfriend
The memories spun in my head
They took a different shape
You were the only one who liked
This fucked up game
Twist the words we don’t care
You can shift the blame
At the end of the day
I don’t trust a single word you say

And now I don’t know who to trust
I don’t know who to trust

I had a panic attack
I called you late at night
I thought you were gonna
Commit suicide
I thought I overreacted
But it was just the seeds
Of a tree you had planted
In my head when I wasn’t looking
You sent multiple texts a day
I tried my best to ignore them
But I snapped when
You told me you’d still take the train
When I told you what you had done
You suddenly shifted the tone
“I’ve always checked your consent
And followed your desires and limits” (It’s what you said)
No it’s not a wonderful adventure
No it’s not an enchanted parenthesis
You just imposed a sexual urge
On a boy that’s barely eighteen
No I won’t accept the apology
No It won’t be that easy
Oh you can keep saying sorry
I know you don’t mean it

I stayed in Becca’s bed for days
Looking straight at the ceiling
I thought about the seventeen girl
You had slept with
So I gathered all the information
And I sent in right to your face
Kicked you out of the places
Where you could still talk to children
A severed arm in a hospital room that’s the picture you sent
With a constant stream of insults
Beneath suicide threats
And on that morning, I contemplated death
Alone in my messy apartment
’cause I can act like it didn’t matter
But your texts fucked me up
Your mask was slipping away
You felt so proud of your rape
And I didn’t see through your shit
So I covered my ears and I screamed

And I walk because it’s what I’m supposed to do
Drawing my pain in the snow with my shoe
And I know there are so many things I should do
But this morning I hear nothing
I hear nothing
I still wake up crying in the night
I try to scream but — I try and I try and I try
And you’re over me, smiling wide
I want to speak and — I want to
But I’m fucking terrified

And in your head you’re still right
You’re not a rapist or a pedophile
Well try your best to rationalize
I hope you don’t sleep at night
And my body fails when I see a text
Always finding ways to shift the blame
Insulting me and hiding behind tears
’cause you’re terrified of what you did
You still talk to some of my best friends
You strictly forbid me of telling them
So I still can’t warn them openly that
This quirky adult is attracted to teens
It’s something I still can’t tell to you
’cause you go awkwardly silent when I do
I’m gonna make sure you can’t sleep
Until you realize what you fucking did

And I walk because it’s what I’m supposed to do
Drawing your face in the snow with my shoe
But I don’t have to talk to you If I don’t want to
’cause this morning I hear nothing
I hear nothing

I drew your face in the snow
Hoping it would melt away

credits

from Stared at from a Distance, released November 10, 2023

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Feldup image

Feldup France

I want to make music.

contact / help

Contact Feldup

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Feldup, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Featuring interviews with LA music scene pillar Kamasi Washington, and new London-based duo Mrcy.

listen now