Hey mother, I'm waiting in the elevator My gray pants and my blue poloshirt Are making me suffocate Hey mother, have you ever been stuck My life is just a field filled with disappointment Hey mother, I still don't know if I'll make it Will I be dead before I begin to live I'm a new man Hey mother, my wrists are bleeding But I need to feel this pain Every freaking morning Hey mother, I think I am sleepwalking I'm a shadow of the child I used to be And he's crying inside me Hey mother, I want to go home tonight The week is too long I'm too weak and they are so strong I want to go home I wanna go home

I thought it was hard to wake up yesterday but opening my eyes was the hardest But looking back the all day was a nightmare In fact everything is a nightmare It's a nightmare so long that it looks normal But sometimes I wake up Realizing this is fucked up But I woke up anyway I think I might have been home that day At least I was home in the morning At least I was home sleeping But I spent most of the dat worrying I've tried I've tried But nothing Ever works I've tried I've tried But nothing Ever works When I see the train coming in the horizon I can feel the poison When it flows inside of my veins When it flows inside of my brain Again Again I go I go Nowhere And again I find myself eating eating hamburgers Well it may just be shit Well it's really shitty But it's the only way The only opportunity To talk with my dad To talk with someone And time flies Time flies Time flies Time flies Yes time flies Time flies Time flies Time flies And there's nothing we can do about it The sun was falling The day had just begun It confused me Should I believe the sun ? And I received a text Yes you had texted me It said "I love you so much" And I didn't reply Well I think I had not read it I had not read it And I never replied I never replied I felt guilty for the whole day You maybe had something to say But I did not listen I did not listen I told you "I'm sorry" "Sorry if I'm not stable" You told me not to worry But I worried too much It's not euphoria It's not utopia It's not dystopia Because nobody ever wanted to be good WHY are we in JAIL ??!!? (dissonant harmonies) (weird guitar solo) "Go to the hospital" My mother said "It's a bad idea" I replied But I went to the hospital anyway I feel like my life is out of control I feel helpless In an infinite spiral. (this one is for you. I hope so) There is hate everywhere There is hate everywhere In everyday life In the train station When I buy sandwiches Always the same ones Always two and never only a single one Kill the sheeps Kill the sheeps Kill the sheeps And then count their bodies I think it was late at night and kissing felt awkward The scenery was beautiful and we could hear the birds It was beautiful but I backed down All my thoughts were turned upside down I was doomed to fall onto the ground And nothing ever improved And nothing ever improved Yeah nothing ever improved And you can still see me falling down Do you really think I'll survive ? Do you really think I'll survive ? I can't live like this I can't survive like this We were shooting birds Down the valley The car will not drive itself Will we ever go somewhere ? I'm waiting for something else I've never acted but only underwent I decided to buy some stuff Way after midnight And I wandered in the streets And it was silent And sometimes when I see Some cars in the distance I just stand in the middle of the road To see if it stops, just to feel alive I just want to live I just want to feel alive And an airplane crashed on a cloud And an airplane crashed on the world And a paper airplane crashed in the river Waiting for the flood Waiting for the fucking flood I'm scared We're scared of you We are to scared This shit could kill us ALL *drugs are bad but they can wake you up. I do consider those pills to be drugs. They are keeping me stable, they keep lots of people stable. And if my therapist gave them to me, it's because they can help, and so I agreed and even asked for more. And I was not addicted, but it was really close, I began to feel my breakdowns even more, but at least I was feeling more than before* I'm wearing my seatbelt I have my own airbag I'm just waiting for this fucking car to CRASH Avoiding the needles Praising the pills Avoiding the needles Praising the pills Avoiding the needles And your grave Avoiding the needles And your grave All of my dreams take place in my home And they always take a wrong turn And when they seem pretty positive It's because they don't feel real at all I wish I could live I wish I could sleep I wish I could die I wish I could start Start, all over again I wish I could stop Stop listening to the rain We are all going to hell We are all going to hell We are all going to hell We are all going to hell We are all going to hell We are all going to hell We are all going to hell And I'm waiting for something to happen cause I don't know how to make it all better and I'm a mess and a fucking void This whole thing is so fucked up I fucking hate everyday life And emptiness They are what we call adults Weird humans trapped in viciousness I wish I could be a child I want to be a child I wish I could be better I want to be better I wish I could die happy I want to die I wish I could go home I wanna go home

Does it sound good to you Does it sound like a good thing It is not there for me It is not there for us Alarm ticking until the end Alarm showing me I'm red Alarm getting me out of my bed Alarm telling me I'm dead This is the face of my mornings And the sadness that it brings I don't deserve this I am motionless My head on my pillow Swallow the pill Oh Let me get back Let me get back to love The preacher is still screaming I'm yelling at him in my head Alarm telling you something Alarm telling me I'm dead This is the epitath of freedom Go back to your home My cloudy brain is ringing Tired eyes, raining Brother ? are you crying ? Brother ? Are you crying ? I am here for you Does it sound good to you Does it sound like a good thing It is not there for me It is not there for us Alarm ticking until the end Alarm showing me I'm red Alarm getting me out of my bed Alarm telling me I'm dead Does it sound good to you Does it sound like a good thing It is not there for me It is not there for us Alarm ticking until the end Alarm showing me I'm red Alarm getting me out of my bed Alarm telling me I'm dead Does it sound good to you Does it sound like a good thing It is not there for me It is not there for us Alarm ticking until the end Alarm showing me I'm red Alarm getting me out of my bed Alarm telling me I'm dead I wanna go home

Under pressure Under the widest sea I can see myself drowning slowly I was screaming But the sounds were muffled Lost in the ceiling Please come back home And the earthquake in my heart is making me shake It's making me shake And as I'm drowning in the car I can't take this anymore anymore Please don't call me I'm afraid each and every time my screen gets too bright I just want to be alone I'm trying to swim To get back to the surface But the water gets into my lungs But the water gets into my lungs But the water gets into my lungs But the water gets into my lungs But your hand is touching me But It's too blurry I'm too afraid to ask anyone's name I can see this face It's always the same We were convincing ourselves That we were just fine We were floating in the rain And climbing the pines And the earthquake in my heart is making me shake It's making me shake And as I'm drowning in the car I can't take this anymore anymore I wanna go home

When are you coming back ? I'm tired of waiting Will I stop taking prozac ? I'm tired of walking In front of the medicine I was not laughing anymore I'm the lowest I've ever been. And I am asking for more So why have you eaten my heart ? I don't know where I should start Why am I even awake ? I think I am my biggest mistake And Xanax kept me asleep all the day Watching the world flow in front of me Like a broken zootrope turning again and again and again And I drink sugar as a way to avoid the pain A pain as devastating as it's faint I can feel it creeping in my veins And for a micro second I'm like a saint And Xanax made me care less And Xanax made me care less And Xanax brought me emptiness So why have you eaten my heart ? I don't know where I should start Why am I even awake ? I think I am my biggest mistake And Xanax kept me asleep all the day Watching the world flow in front of me Like a broken zootrope turning again and again and again I wanna go home

I'm so glad today exists at all Let the sound pierce the wall Let me fall through the floor Let me shut the door My friend came to me His face was rather sad He looked so sorry His dog had just died Everyday looks the same Dogs die, we cry together I told my name To my teacher And I lay my head On my weak arms Not the best bed Within the alarms But it's okay If nothing came If everyday Looks the same And, I'm so glad today exists at all Let the sound pierce the wall Let me fall through the floor Let me shut the door A message sent by a dove Soft wings to help me fly Everyone I love Is gonna die My eyes are open it's four AM maybe five Waiting for the sun To tell me I'm alive And everyday I sleep Between classes Counting sheeps Counting ashes OooooOOoo (tick tock) It's okay to fail Numbers I'll throw In the trail It'll burn my sorrow Everyday looks the same Everyday looks the same Everyday looks the same Everyday looks the same I'm so glad today exists at all Let the sound pierce the wall Let me fall through the floor Let me shut the door Let me shut the door I wanna go home

The sky under his gray sheets snoozes peacefully above me I was walking barefeet Right next to the trees I had left my suitcase somewhere But I didn't really care I was chasing the cats Now I'm just waiting for them And somehow it reminded me Of your perfect smile My unknown addressee I'm waiting for the right time We don't have to hurry We don't have to hurry The weirdest shades of gray All over the garden The games we played The ones we've forgotten There are white feathers Waiting for us And somehow it reminded me Of your perfect smile My unknown addressee I'm waiting for the right time (We were hiding from the rain) We don't have to hurry We don't have to hurry I wanna go home

Screaming high-sounding precepts Of whatever letter we intercept When the words have no meaning When they are thrown nowhere People hear words but they are not listening I don't give a shit about what's happening But the world is shaking I'm shaking to death And deaf dumb and blind I call you by your name Nothing will ever be the same again What if all of this comes to an end What if all of this comes to an end Hey mother, I'm going back to the elevator Every morning I'm pulled back to earth Hey mother, I'm stuck like I've never been before I can't hold it back anymore Will I make it to the end ? Aimless to hell, aimless To hell, I'm going To hell, I'm going to hell To hell, oh Dear emptiness I've got a letter for you I was begging you to come back home After all that bad romance Now there are only regrets In this ever growing nonsense I want to go back To a place where I had a meaning When you were not frightening When there were no distances Sentences ringing through my head Always the same, always the same And in the morning with my medication I was trying to erase all the emotions We can still try to reach a state of stability But I'll always feel empty and emptied My pockets are now full of regrets And every song, every confession I make Is another object I threw in the lake I'm looking for a place Where I could empty them And not keep on living Like a sheep poisoned with hatred Stay Stay Please, stay I miss what I was Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? I miss you I miss you Do you remember your face When you first took your pills You were looking afraid Afraid of the world You looked at yourself in the mirror Those dark rings under your tired eyes They were begging for help You were afraid You thought every pill you would take Would take a part of your brain And you'd slowly stop to write and you'd slowly start to cry A pill every day Runnin out in twelve days They slowly disappear Running out sooner I remember this one night When I ran out of medication And my brother tried To help me calm down a bit Antidepressants Not antisadness Sadness never was a problem Apathy killed me and I never noticed it Trains, cars, trains, cars Trains, cars, the subway And sleep, and eat And sleep, and eat and eat, and eat and eat, and eat Soon? I need something now. Tired of the laziness Tired of telling myself Tomorrow will be the time Tomorrow will never be there Because I can't tell you If you'll spend tomorrow With me Trying to make sens of that mess Trying to tell you I'm okay Smiling hurts me hard Smiling hurts me hard I don't want to wake up On my own Lullabies Sing me lullabies I'm listening to you To find a meaning I'm only daydreaming Wishing I weren't drugged Wishing I had no grave In the hole I dug And I'm here, I reached the bottom of the hole Bloody paint, all over the wall Digging my grave all alone In the river, I can not hear you at all at all at all at all I have no arms that could reach yours Incoherently spitting muffled words Wishing I had a place in the universe The sounds bounce on the walls The sounds bounce on the walls You did a great job, Felix You did a great job, Felix It will work It will work Just wait a little more Just wait a little more Just wait a little more Just wait a little more Just wait a little more Just wait a little more Just wait a little more wait Just wait a little more wait Just wait a little more wait Just wait a little more wait The years fly faster than the weeks Every hour feels like a torture I'm still drawn to you I hope you're too I love you You were someone else And now I'm no one And now I'm nobody And I blame it all on me Because I have nobody else to hate Sometimes scapegoats Can get you away from mediocrity Felix ! What happened to your eyes ? Felix ! What happened to your pen ? Why are you writing a song That doesn't make any sense Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? Felix ! What have you become ? You have to go back home If you want to survive You have to go back home If you want to be alive I now count all my suicide attempts Like they were just little anecdotes Like they were an antidote But it's nothing more than a slip knot When you fall When you fell And you realized You failed I failed I love you I love you And I don't want you to die And you're going to die Because nobody can control you You're lost my friend And the maze you're stuck in Never seems to end And fluoxetine kept me awake When I needed to sleep That's why they gave it in the first place Let's sweep all the dust on the gears Let's get rid of the grime in our tears And take the pills It will turn on the engine I love you What have you become ? What have you become ? Come back home Come back home (I'm so terribly sorry for everything) I wanna go home

Lay your head on my shoulder I lost you tonight And I'll never see you again. And I think it's better somehow Do you remember that song I taught you how to play Do you remember that time we kissed on the bench Do you remember anything Because I'm kinda lost And you were the only thing left I feel lost Now I don't know why I should keep on living Bring me back Please I got stuck in the staircase I got stuck in the staircase I got stuck in the staircase I got stuck in the staircase I got stuck in the staircase I wanna go home

Friday evening, the moon's already high up in the sky But I'm not sleeping Eyes wide opened, I'm looking at the screen I sent you texts because I didn't know If I would survive I took sleeping pills I took way too many of them, and I got scared I don't know why I did this Maybe I just wanted to sleep But I didn't I was sent to the hospital Because I was getting suicidal And my brother was next to me And all I could say was "Sorry" He told me how much he loved me I lost myself in the haze A was alone and my face was terrified Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Tonight I wore my blue clothes I took a look at the mirror And I was not proud I just wanted to go home I wanna go home Hey do you hear me ? Through the walls Of my tiny cell My tiny jail Windows closed What am I supposed To do now I'm the lowest I've ever been It feels like I'm slowly dying But I'll stay strong I'll stay calm I'll stay here I'll stay alive I'll stay alive Just for you (I wish time could be faster I locked myself out Pray for me I'm going to die Over the wall There are eyes) Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Hold my hand I'm not going to die Tonight Is this really the end ? (No it's not) I wanna go home

The storm is gone It left me with a void I'm not even alone Just feeling like an android Drinking a cup Of hot chocolate I'm just waking up And I'm already late But some- Somewhere I don't Don't really care But some- Somewhere I don't Don't really care Anymore I'm not really looking for adventure I'm not thinking about the future And a voice Deep down in my heart Tells me I shoudn't Accept that Enough of the hurricane I shouldn't shake There's beauty in the rain No matter how much it takes I opened the door And ran towards the trails The coat I wore On my heart never fails But some- Somewhere I don't Don't really care But some- Somewhere I don't Don't really care Anymore And I continued my journey like a child. I returned home after a while with the dumbest smile. I'm kind of starting to understand. I can't stand the fact that it's the end